It was summer 2020 and I was alone on my way back home from a short stay at the coast with family and friends. I often listen to podcasts while driving so what a perfect opportunity to listen to a new one by the author of a book I had been reading at the time: John Kim’s The Angry Therapist, a no BS guide to self-improvement.

I’ve been reading self-help / personal-growth books casually since I was in my teens for reasons I am unable to express eloquently. The podcast though … the podcast was intriguing because it offered a glimpse into a place I had been seeking for a long time. At the end they advertised their coaching training program and there was something about the idea of becoming a life coach that was incredibly appealing. Within 15 minutes of getting home after a 4-5 hour drive, I was signed-up to the program and ready to go. I felt completely in alignment for the first time in forever (there’ll be magic, there’ll be fun).

I’ve always wanted to directly help people in some capacity, I was just never quite sure how. Or if I was even ready to do so. There was part of me that wanted to impart wisdom but I didn’t really have any and what I did know I never really felt qualified to teach. Curious.

I used to think the idea of life coaching was pure BS. Though, I was coming from an ignorant perspective of what a life coach actually did. I thought it was about offering advice in whatever areas of life to … live better? To be happier? To gain more fulfillment in life? I don’t know, honestly it wasn’t clear and like a lot of things in life, I dismissed the concept for whatever reason before I knew much of what it was about.

The main thing I got wrong in my assumption was related to advice. Life coaching isn’t about giving advice AT ALL. So what IS coaching, then?

Life coaching is a partnership between a coach and a client that moves the client forward to become the best version of themself through the application of motivation, accountability, planning, troubleshooting and support. — Lumia Coaching

I believe people ultimately know what’s best for themselves. We all have to do our own thing and make our own mistakes to learn and grow. And we all have to learn when to ask for help and how to actually receive it.

I loved every part of the program — the content, the members of my cohorts, the instructors and my mentor coach in the signature program designed specifically for ICF accreditation. And I’m so proud to be an alumni of JRNI, now known as Lumia.

I started running again recently. After taking a solid eight month break after successfully running my first 100 miler last November I no longer felt great in my body. And I felt my thought patterns sliding back into a time in my twenties where I was surviving through life rather than fully living. No thank you.

I don’t care much about surviving by itself. That shit is soul-suckingly boring. Life is for the living. The goal is to thrive. And we thrive by creating things that entertain us simply because they are entertaining to do so. Simply because we find beauty in our creations. Simply because stuff is fun.

So I decided to go running again about a month ago on what was then one of the hottest days of the year. Because I find moving through space under the power of my own body fun. Like seriously, I’ve been given this amazing container to experience all the things that life has to offer and fuck, I’m going to make use of it.

Plus, I didn’t like how I had slipped into low-key complaining about stuff I couldn’t control. So I dove in. And now I’m finding it easier to let go once again.

Like letting go of some optimal plan for taking care of my physical body. I don’t want to be working out alone at my home all the time. No, I want to be in the yoga studio working through shit with everybody else. I want to be there creating a better version of myself right there with everybody else. Because it’s fun. Because I love people and I love people who get after it on every level, especially those who get after the continuous discovery of who they really are.

So I went to a yoga class today taught by one of my favorite teachers. And, as usual, it was instantly healing. Emotionally and physically healing. I’ve been having low back pain for the last several weeks and it’s now completely gone.

It’s weird how physical pain fades away after an emotional release. Everything is connected. So it goes.

I feel like myself again. Not necessarily because I started running again and I’m back to the yoga studio, but rather because I’m again letting myself do the things that my authentic self enjoys doing instead of whatever I’ve logically come up with that I “should” be doing. I’m back to throwing as many shoulds out the fucking window once again, yet, with a much clearer perspective on my path moving forward.

And I have a lot of things planned along that path already. And it’s all fun. Most of it makes me giddy. These things entertain my child-like self. And this is what it’s all about.

My favorite way to create is through conversation. To foster connection. To move through thoughts and emotions to get to the root of things so we can spring the fuck out of there into creating a life where we thrive together. Because we all have fun stuff to do that entertains us, don’t we?

I’m in a good place. And I want to help. I’m looking for two people who want life coaching services to join me, preferably locally on walking coaching sessions. It’s easy to get stuck and we can all help people move forward. Plus, I need to finish coaching hours for my ACC certification with the ICF.

The photo is from when I took my daughter to the lake on Sunday. I love it there so much.

The thing about radically changing your reality is that it is likely out of your present awareness. And that’s okay because the journey getting there is the best part anyway, living in the present moment. So after you figure out what you want in life, you gotta get out in the world and do something that you feel will lead you there, being open to receive and having faith in the process itself. Enjoy it.

Your job isn’t to know the how, it’s to know the what and to be open to discovery, and receiving, the how. — Jen Sincero, “You Are A Badass”

You have to change your thinking first and then the evidence appears. Our big mistake is that we do it the other way around. We demand to see the evidence before we believe it to be true. — Jen Sincero, “You Are A Badass”

… and to find them takes consistent practice, consistent inner-work to tap into the universal energy where the answers are dancing around in space like feathers, waiting for you to get still enough to gracefully fall into your lap.

This requires quiet. Quieting thoughts — the endless, mindless chatter of the ego self. The goal is to connect with the higher Self, thereby connecting with the universal energy of the universe.

At least this is how it works for me. And I realize this may sound like complete bullshit. I would have said as much for a good portion of my life. Ah well. It turns out I knew about as much then as I do now, which is not much at all. 😄

In my experience, the more consistently I practice doing the inner work, the more I connect with my higher Self and the better my life seems to get.

There are many ways to do the work and all seem to be same, same, just as how we describe what we are connecting with is same, same. As Jen Sincero puts it in “You Are A Badass,” “Call it whatever you want, God, Goddess, The Big Guy, The Universe, Source Energy, Higher Power, The Grand Poobah, gut, intuition, Spirit, The Force, The Zone, The Lord, The Vortex, The Mother Lode—it doesn’t matter.”

What matters is the quieting of the mind. And quite possibly not filling it with bullshit on a daily basis.

I have some experience quieting my mind in several ways: running, yoga, meditation, journaling, breathwork, entheogens, general mindfulness, and combinations thereof. All are good.

And the not filling my mind with bullshit? This has meant cutting out a lot of TV, news, reframing thoughts, and being very careful about who and what I let into my head. It makes a big difference. It REALLY, really does.

Through this work I’ve been able to get more and more clear on maybe the most important question of all: what the fuck am I here for?

Oohh, that’s a fun one. 😆

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. — André Gide

I need you to really, truly believe that you are unique and possess precious gifts to share with the world. Why? Because it’s true. And. Because the world becomes even more gorgeous than it already is when you do.

Let go of negative self-talk. Let go of comparison with others. Let go of guilt, resentment and criticism. Learn your lessons and forgive yourself.

Embrace being sweet to yourself. Embrace the things you love simply because they are fun and bring pleasure. Embrace compassion, joy and gratitude.

Why?

Because why not? Is all that stuff from your past really serving you? No, then let that shit go!!

In doing so you find purpose. You go from lost to found. And you show up as your fucking Self.

When we we share what we were brought here to give we are in alignment with our highest, most powerful selves. — Jen Sincero

Photo of me staring off into space by my good friend, Danielle.

I’ve been in a mental funk the past few days and was hoping things would improve on my drive out to Huntsville State Park yesterday. Things didn’t pick up for me mentally until I set foot on the trail, albeit slowly.

As much as I wanted to be completely in service to everybody passing through the #Damnation aid station for Rocky Raccoon, I wasn’t. Not at first anyway. I put on a show, yes. I was doing my best, yes, but I wasn’t being authentic. I put on a social mask that sort of looked like normal, positive Justin. But I wasn’t in integrity with myself, no.

I felt disconnected — disconnected from people, from the trail, and the trail running community at large. Maybe it was due to COVID season, maybe something else. Or maybe it just was. I don’t know. Whatever the case, it’s okay.

Bummer though, because volunteering is the best. At least it has been in the past. So after my first shift I went back to my car to get some sleep, hoping that some well-needed rest would improve my mental state.

And it did! It worked! I was back and ready to just be. Maybe I appeared the same to others, maybe I didn’t. But I felt in alignment with myself, back into integrity.

Metallica was playing. I was dancing by myself in the middle of the cold night in 37 degree temperatures, making sure everyone had as much water and Tailwind as they needed to get back to the start/finish.

It’s a wonderful thing to be in service to others. And I truly believe that we must first be in service to ourselves. Some might say this is selfish. I’d say it’s absolutely necessary.

I like to bring up the analogy of airplane emergencies and taking care of your own oxygen mask before helping others. A bit drastic of an example, but you can’t help others if you’re passed out from a lack of oxygen.

The same is true in daily life. Practicing self-care first allows us to bring the best version of ourselves into the world. In this way we can authentically be our best for others, too.

This little morning hike through the woods after 14 hours of service is a great example of self-care for me.

How do you practice self-care?

I drove down to Huntsville State Park today (Saturday, 2021.02.06) to volunteer for the Rocky Raccoon 100 with NTTR at the Damnation aid station. The photo is from nine years ago, the last time I was there, and the morning of my first 50 mile race.

Nine years ago was a slugfest of a day — the first two of three 17 mile loops went ridiculously well for me. The third — oh man, I slowly, painfully victory lapped it into one of the last 50 mile finisher spots of the race. 252nd. 17:31:18.

And it was fucking awesome!!

The sky opened up that morning to a torrential downpour right before the 100 mile race start. By the time I started the course, some 10-15 minutes after the official start, the course was already a muddy, shoe-sucking mess. But starting late allowed me to get into a peaceful groove alone in the early morning. Nice.

The guys I was staying with were super fast, Robert Smith and Gerardo Moreno. Robert dropped after the second loop after suffering from an ankle injury early in the race. Gerardo won it with a 6:15:12 finish, still one of the top performances for the 50 mile race on UltraSignup.

But today! Today was about volunteering, helping my fellow runners get to the finish line themselves. I filled water bottle after water bottle, dancing in the middle of the cold, cold night between runners coming through. I did my best to send positive vibes their way, because damn some of them surely needed it! And after a long night of volunteering I busted out, playfully with:

Why do we do this? Why do we put ourselves through this ridiculous mess?

The volunteering or the running?

Oh, the running! THIS, the volunteering makes massive sense. But the running, have you figured it out yet? Why?

Why not??

And yeah, the answer is so obviously “why not?” And with a dash of, “because it’s fun, isn’t it?”

Sometimes things just aren’t worth figuring out. If it feels right, do it. Go play. Simply because it’s fun, isn’t it?

A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.

— Christopher K. Germer

A practical example: be sweet to yourself. Remind yourself as many times as you need throughout the day, every day.

I met a yoga teacher a few years ago who would say this in nearly every class. It was such a wonderful thing to hear spoken out loud even though it was a lesson I had already taken to heart years ago. The specific phrase of “be sweet to yourself” resonated strongly and has stuck. I suppose there’s often more work to when it comes to self-compassion.

Love yourself, unconditionally.

A human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy. — Viktor Frank, Man’s Search for Meaning

True happiness for me comes in connecting deeply with people. Through watching people really come into themselves. To see them living authentically, to live in integrity with themselves, to be as much of themselves as they can possibly be. And to see them getting out there, and fucking getting it.

Be true to yourself and be your true self and happiness seems to come along for the ride.

A star wants to see himself rise to the top.

A leader wants to see those around him rise to the top. — Simon Sinek

I spent a large part of today either in a coaching class around branding or thinking about branding. Much of the material and ideas originated from Simon Sinek’s work, so I thought it only appropriate to quote him today.

Sinek’s most famous work is all about finding and starting from your why. Why is it that you do what it is that you do? That’s what people truly care about — not what you do, but why you do it.

Do you know your why? If not, it’s a question to live with — a question worth answering — and an answer that changes over time. I believe the world becomes a better place each time a person truly answers this question — when the answer comes from deep within you.

Why? Because then you’re on a mission of purpose. Because then you can more easily say yes or no to things to stay in alignment with your why. Because then … because then happiness more readily presents itself before you. And isn’t that what most of us, if not all of us want in life? To be happy?

But what the fuck does happiness have to do with leadership?

The answer to this question is deeply personal. It’s the answer to my own why, or at least as clearly as I have been able to answer it thus far.

My why is about leading others into their own greatness. This is what brings me true happiness — helping others get to a state of thriving, to watch them rise to the top.

More on this on day eleven.

Handwritten with a vintage Parker 51 fountain pen. Pilot Iroshizuku shin-kai ink. Midori MD notebook. I like handwriting these quotes. Maybe it’s time to work on the quality and consistency of my handwriting? Hmmm. Couldn’t hurt. Is it worth it? Maybe. Maybe not.

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. — Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love

I’ve met a few of these gorgeous people in my life, and smack me awake they did. Amazing.

A good friend of mine gave me this book to read, because I probably wouldn’t have read it had they not. But oh! I’m so glad I did! What a delightful read this one is!

Gratitude is the wine for the soul. Go on. Get drunk. — Rumi

I’ve been having not the greatest last few days. I’ve been in a bit of a mental funk and can’t seem to find a way out of it. That is, I was until I found flow while writing gratitude letters this evening.

I was sitting, remote working at a brewery today, attempting to design a feature for a software application I’m building. I had been there for hours; tired, low energy, unable to focus. And so I decided to change it up in the moment and began writing gratitude letters I’ve been meaning to write.

It changed everything. I found flow. I found the present moment again. And of course it always feels awesome to practice gratitude.

I started a daily gratitude practice several years ago when I discovered the Five Minute Journal. But I’ve merely been sipping on gratitude. So I think I’ll take Rumi’s advice for a while and drink a few bottles of gratitude daily.

Love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. — Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

This is the truth as told by so many poets, the final wisdom of so many thinkers.

What is love? (baby don’t …) Hah, no. What is unconditional love? Everything. Love is everything.

The salvation of man is through love and in love.

I consider myself extremely fortunate in that I’ve been able to experience this endless vibrational wave that is love permeating through my body and everything around me. I’m thinking of a particular moment that left me in a state of pure bliss. One that I’ve never experienced so forcefully before this moment. A moment where I could do nothing else but float in an ocean of my own tears.

Love is all around us. It permeates everything. Connecting to it is the challenge.

I’ve been working on getting out of my head and into my body, on being present and connecting with this purest form of energy as much as I am able.

Gratitude and meditation.

Be Americans. Let there be no sectionalism, no North, South, East or West. You are all dependent on one another and should be one in union. In one word, be a nation. Be Americans, and be true to yourselves. — George Washington

Personally, I’d go broader. Be humans. Practice curiosity and understanding. Practice compassion.

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the art of living. — Viktor Frankl, “Man’s Search for Meaning”

To find humor in moments of suffering is an art worth mastering. If we have the power to choose how we think about things in any given situation or set of circumstances (and we do!), finding humor in suffering feels an awful lot like living.

As Frankl writes in “Man’s Search for Meaning,” while suffering is not necessary to find meaning in life, it’s unavoidable. Yet avoidable suffering is masochistic rather than heroic.

And while I’ve certainly learned a ton about myself through avoidable suffering, I’d also agree that those actions were anything but heroic. They were fun though. And I find great joy and humor in the memories of the ridiculousness.

Maybe well-timed bouts of masochism are important for me? Maybe they are part of my dharma?😄 Maybe it’s time I sign up for that hundo I’ve been thinking about running? 😆😆

Live as if you were living for the second time and had acted as wrongly the first time as you are about to act now.

A workout should give you more than it takes out of you. – Pavel, Kettlebell Simple & Sinister

Before my mid-20s I barely knew what the gym looked like. And then something randomly clicked and I started working out all the damn time. It was like I was making up for lost effort after so many years of sitting around drinking sugary drinks and playing computer games for far too many hours.

My purpose for all the working out? I’m not quite sure. But it built up a level of confidence in my body that I never had before. I’ll take the confidence I gained over the minor overuse injury I sustained any day.

I do believe there is a better way, though.

Consistency. Simple, effective workouts that have a clear purpose. For me that purpose is general readiness and resilience.

I’m not trying to win anything. And for the most part I’m not competing against anyone else. But I do love to use my body. I mean, I was given this body from pure love so I feel it’s my duty to take care of it. And I love to do whatever I choose to do without getting easily injured. My workouts now are designed to build a resilient body, ensuring it is ready for whatever I decide to throw at it: a hike up a mountain, a random paddleboarding adventure, a 10 mile trail run, or a marathon evening of … darts? 😉

And this is way more fun than killing myself in the gym just because I have the luxury of doing so. I love working out, but there is a minimum effective dose and doing any more than that for my purpose is counter-intuitive. My workouts now are (mostly) designed to get me where I want to be in the shortest amount of time, giving me a boost of energy to tackle the rest of my day.

Background image original by Jesper Aggergaard on Unsplash.

Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help. – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

For true connection to exist between two people, complete presence with one another is crucial. This means slowing down, getting out of our heads, and really appreciating the beautiful person in front of us, accepting them just as they are in the moment.

Brené Brown’s definition of connection is this:

The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. The Gifts of Imperfection

How many people in your life do you truly connect with? How do you show up in your own relationships? How do you feel when the person in front of you is interested in every single word you speak?

I think most of us could do better being present with others, and holding them accountable when they’re not present with us. You are just as important as they are. Do this with courage. With compassion. And reap the benefits that deep, meaningful connection provides.

Background photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

To know our own darkness means that we must accept the emotions of fear, anger, shame and sadness to observe them and feel them in our bodies without repression. This is our path back to joy, and is our path towards compassion for all others.

When we practice generating compassion, we can expect to experience the fear of our pain. Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently toward what scares us. – Pema Chödrön, American Buddhist nun, The Places That Scare You

I was just thinking of how we as individuals see people so very differently. Could it be that when we don’t like another individual, what we are really seeing is a part of ourselves that we have not yet accepted? If this is true, what an excellent gauge of where we’re at in our quest of self-compassion. And what an excellent reminder of what dark parts of ourselves need self-awareness and acceptance, making that area just a little bit brighter in the process.

Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver. – Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

When COVID season began in 2020, I couldn’t help but see it as a collective awakening. As time has passed, I see more and more evidence of this.

I’ve been insanely curious about how people are handling changes in the world over the past 10 months due to COVID. Some people seem to be embracing change, while others are clearly reacting from a place of fear. However you’re handling the change that is happening in the world is perfectly valid.

So many of us fear change. But when we’re forced into massive change, I think we all realize at some level that it’s our only option anyway. Change is our only constant.

Awakenings are … a lot. It’s much easier to be asleep. But if we choose to fully live our lives, having the courage to embrace change is absolutely necessary.

I have certainly had my own moments of courage this past year. The courage to show up. The courage to tell the truth. The courage to love everyone, as much as I am able. I’ve seen for myself how this has made others around me better and even a little braver, too. More of this is what I want to see in the world — so, here I am.

Photo by raquel raclette on Unsplash

#34. How you spend every day is how you spend your life.

– 100 Tips for a Better Life.

Today, wherever I go, I will create a peaceful, loving and joyful world. — A morning mantra from Sadhguru.

I went exploring this past weekend, part of a new series of weekly dates with myself. This was found in Old City Park, a place my grandma loved and volunteered at in the early 90s before she passed. It was an absolutely delightful day.

As children we found ways to protect ourselves from vulnerability, from being hurt, diminished, and disappointed … now as adults we realize that to live with courage, purpose, and connection—to be the person whom we long to be—we must again be vulnerable.

— Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

People, 2020

I came across an article this morning by Dennis Sanders entitled “Attention must be paid: the electoral lessons of the working class”:

Trump exposed something that we Americans are loathe to talk about — class. As hard as it is to talk about race in America, we like to pretend class doesn’t exist. But the fact is, it does and it shows itself in how middle and upper income Americans look at low income Americans, especially those who are poor and white. The well educated in American society tend to view the working class, especially the white working class with contempt.

… and earlier in the article:

When you are always outraged, when you believe that we are at the tipping point where American democracy is lost, you tend to miss a lot of other things that gets the electorate mad.

We must practice compassion to heal. This means being fully present and insanely curious about what others are thinking and feeling. This is with full presence and without judgment. We must provide safe spaces for others to let their shields down, to expose their true selves, in order to collectively heal.

I agree that attention must be paid. It must be paid to everyone. We are all equal, whether we choose to believe it or not.

When we practice generating compassion, we can expect to experience the fear of our pain. Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allows ourselves to move gently toward what scares us. – American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön, The Places that Scare You

I rode my bike to the park today to work for a few hours and enjoyed 27 acres of beautifully maintained park largely by myself. Craziness, especially given that we are having badass weather lately.

“Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others.”

“Until we can receive with an open heart, we are never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgment to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgment to giving help.”

— Brené Brown, “The Gifts of Imperfection”